(Cole):

     Buenos! 

I hope everyone is doing well.  As for me, aside from being sick as a dog, I feel that I am moving in a positive direction, as far as dating is concerned…

It’s funny to think about how far I fell from my single tree as soon as I started seeing rapist.  After about a month from separating from my husband and moving out, and no longer having sex, I started to look at men the way men look at women.  Men were no longer people to me, they were walking meat, and I would shamelessly and unabashedly check them out, look them up and down, undress them with my eyes and rate them on whether or not I would like to see them between legs.  That may sound harsh and more than a little shallow, but I didn’t care.  After all, it’s only “fair” that if men should be able to do it, so should women.  Isn’t that what equality is all about?  That’s how I chose rapist, but once he and I started seeing each other, I no longer did this to other men that I saw, in fact, it was like other men didn’t exist.  No wonder I fell for him!  I was walking around with blinders on!  It’s time to take these blinders off and see who is out there for me to try on for size.  In the words of Marge, I would say that I am looking for a skirt, not a dress, at least not for a while.  I’m sure I’ll graduate to a dress I would like to buy eventually, but until then, this summer is going to be all about skirts!  (To see Marge’s dress and skirt theory, please refer to previous posts…)

So………  I guess now the real challenge begins.  Now that I’m single, I want to get myself out there, start meeting people, start “dating”.  Not find a “relationship”, I really mean start dating, keep my options open for a while, and see what I have been missing for so long.  The only problem is, where do I meet these sexy, available men?

I don’t really get out much.  I’ve always been a pretty reclusive person.  I enjoy going out, once I’m out, but more often than not making fun plans for the future only sounds like a great idea for exactly that reason, because it’s in the future.  Once the time comes I would rather stay in pajamas, or put on my bikini and hop in the kiddy pool.  Having to get dressed, do my hair, makeup, arrange transportation etc. is no fun at all. 

Marge and I have been going to farmers market now every Saturday morning in a little town called Templeton, to purchase the delicious fruits and vegetables that only naturally grow in the summer, and locally too, and while there are some attractive “men” there, none of them passed my between-the-legs test.  I’m not going to force something that’s not there.  So, great.  I have about a half hour window, once a week at nine o’clock in the morning.  I’m thinking that isn’t giving myself a big enough chunk of the single men pie chart I would like to choose from. 

Marge has suggested that I at least check out the Plenty of Fish dating site, fill out a free profile, and just look at the types of men they have to offer.  What a novel idea!  Shopping for men from the comfort of my own private sanctuary!  However, although I have enjoyed living vicariously through Marge’s online dating experiences (more like enjoying laughing about them!), I’m not exactly sure if I want to delve into the world of meeting strangers and going on what is basically what I would consider the equivalent to blind states because, although it isn’t exactly “blind”, everybody lies to put themselves in a greater, more flattering light.  They post pictures that aren’t exactly accurate either.  Sounds kind of frightening to me! 

So, what other options do I have?  One thing I know for sure, I need to get out more.  I’m just not exactly sure where to go or what to do.  I like to run, but you don’t meet people running.  When I’m running, I don’t want to stop and chat.  I’m breathless, sweaty, fatigued, and I want to time my run.  I suppose I could start doing yoga, but I don’t know a whole lot of men that do yoga.  I suppose I could start making a weekly trip to my favorite used bookstore, Phoenix books in SLO, to peruse the shelves, in addition to the clientele, but I don’t want to go searching for a man!  I want it to happen spontaneously, and besides, I never find anything when I’m actually looking for it.  It’s like going shopping, actually having money, and looking for a specific thing.  I never find it!  Yet when I’m broke and don’t need a thing at all, that’s when I’ll find something I absolutely can’t live without.  Such is life…

Part of me wants to keep rapist on retainer, so that I don’t go mad because I’m not getting laid and end up sleeping with someone I ordinarily would not, but that creates problems because if I kept him around I doubt I would “allow” myself to meet anyone else.  So if you only stumble upon something when you’re not looking for it, and keeping something around as a fall back prevents you from looking, wouldn’t that make for a perfect situation?  In theory, yes, but since rapist and I are emotionally invested, I don’t think getting back together with him is a good solution to my problem.  I suppose I’ll just have to get out more.  I don’t need to be looking for someone, necessarily, but I shouldn’t be walking around with blinders on anymore either. 

Get out more, and be patient.  It’s just a shame that patience is not a virtue that I possess…