(Cole):

Hola a todos! 

First off, I would like to apologize for not posting anything last week.  My life has been kind of crazy, as of late.  Some of it good, some of it ok, and some of it terrible, but I will get to all of that…

So let’s just get right into it!  At Marge’s gentle coaxing, I finally signed up for a dating website, “just to see who was out there”.  I won’t say which one, and I’m not going to post my profile or any photos because I am supposed to be somewhat anonymous on this blog, even though plenty of you reading this know damn well who I am.  Anyway, let’s just say the suitors pursuing me have been quite varied, and although most messages sent to me are hardly as ridiculous as most of Marge’s, I have been, as to date, asked out by a tranny and proposed to (from someone I haven’t even messaged back to, let alone went on a date with), amongst other things.  I actually feel sort of bad for deleting the tranny without at least speaking to her/him.  Not to date, but just to talk to and maybe grab a drink with.  I mean, why not?  Trannies need friends too!  And this area can be, well, pretty judgmental and harsh at times!

Anyway, it’s certainly been an interesting ride, and while I have had my share of freaks, I don’t frequent the site often, and even less often bother to write anyone back.  I did “meet” someone, however... 

I say “meet”, because in fact we had already met (then again, so have I stumbled across people who I went to high school with as well, whom I have politely declined or else also just decided to ignore completely.  And yes, a few have called me “brutal”, but I don’t really let it phase me.  I mean, what am I supposed to do, lead people on?). 

I met this man, let’s call him “The Carpenter”, at Marge’s housewarming party in July of 2012, so, basically, almost a year ago.  He was entertaining enough to chat with, and certainly attractive!  My GOD!  His eyes, his biceps, his tan, and he’s tatted too, which is a HUGE plus in my book, etc…  I wasn’t exactly sure he was my “type”, at the time, nor am I sure that he is my type now (if I had a consistent type, which I don’t) but I was willing to find out.  That is until Sedouche came along, tried to claim me as his own fucking property, and basically ruined the entire party for me, because it was that night I learned what he was really made of, the lies he had been saying about me behind my back.  I called him out on it, and things basically went to shit from that night, with both sedouche and the carpenter, because I went into panic mode, to hide from sedouche, basically ended up hiding from everyone else as well, furious, ready to lay one gigantic fist “kiss” on sedouche’s gigantic beak of a nose should he take one step closer to me!  Long story short: I had somewhat hit it off with this guy, but sedouche ruined it (sort of his M.O. by now), and the carpenter and I never exchanged numbers or hooked up. 

So…  My profile had only been up a couple of hours before the carpenter hit me up, and I’m sure you can imagine my pleasant surprise to hear from an attractive, shy, very polite gentleman who was not a complete stranger, not a complete weirdo, and not completely incompetent.  More than surprised, I was relieved, and then I was troubled.  I started wondering why someone like him would be on a dating site, and then I remembered that Marge and I are on dating sites, and we’re totally normal, right?  Hahahaha!  Well, no not exactly, but it is challenging to meet people in this area sometimes, especially if you are shy (like he is), or a recluse (like I am), so I quickly brushed my worries aside, and after a day or so of exchanging pretty vague and polite messages, he asked me for my number (said he had been kicking himself for not asking for it last July, which made me smile.  God, I can be such a girl sometimes!  But I haven’t really “dated” since my ex-husband and I were officially divorced, August of 2012, and since I was with my ex-husband for a little over seven years, I haven’t dated in a loooooong time!  Holy crap!  It’s been almost a decade, because I met Martychyst when I was 21, fresh from a year abroad in southern France.  I’m rusty, to say the least…). 

Anyway, we’ve been out on a few dates, and they have been going quite well, aside from the fact that I believe he is a bit afraid of me.  Well, more like “intimidated”.  They say that every poker player has a tell.  Well, so do people in the dating scene.  His most obvious tell is putting his hand on the back of his neck and leaving it there for a while, nervous laughter, and rapid changing of the subject at hand, in addition to other things. 

We’ve been out few times, so I know he likes me.  He keeps texting me and asking me out, however, after our first couple of outings, we would chat in his truck in my driveway for a bit, and instead of leaning in for a kiss, he would lean in and give me a weak hug.  I would smile, as if to say ‘it’s ok.  You don’t have to fear me.  I would never bite on a first or second date.’ But still nothing. 

In a way I suppose I could say I was relieved yet puzzled.  Puzzled because, after two dates, two days of asking me out, paying for my “share” of whatever we had, two days of being interested, why just a hug?  Am I really that terrifying? 

Relieved because I still have very strong feelings for rapist, and I wasn’t exactly sure my body would physically react to someone other than he kissing me, which sort of puts me in the same boat as Marge, and begs the question: is it fair to date another when your heart belongs to someone else???